Crawfordjohn team enter Swamp Soccer World Championships

That is the philosophy of the Crawfordjohn Heavy Mob football squad taking part in the Swamp Soccer World Championships in Strachur, near Dunoon, on June 26.

Team member David Alexander (25) said: "Each match is played on a five-a-side sized pitch with mud a foot deep, so I think it will only take the players about 30 seconds to get totally covered in dirt!

"The biggest difference from conventional football is that we'll have to use masking tape to attach our boots to our feet, so the boots don't come off all the time.

"There is no running or skill involved in it, and all free-kicks and penalties are taken via a drop kick.

"It's barely possible for the players to move around, so most of the games — which are 12 minutes each way — finish 0-0 and go straight to penalties.

"Appropriately, our team strips are a brown colour. But I'm still looking forward to getting filthy.

"My mum has a cottage up there, and she is the lucky soul who'll get to wash the strips on Saturday night if we reach the next round.

"I don't know how we'll do in the tournament because we've never done anything like it before.

"Obviously we're hoping to win, but if we get to the second round we will be delighted.

"We'll all need to have hour-long showers to get all the muck off after playing matches.

"But we'll still probably stink of mud, so the organisers will supply midge nets for us to wear at night time and hopefully keep the insects off us.

David and his mates decided to enter the tournament — which will feature four-team groups of teams from these shores, plus Belgium, Finland and Holland — after seeing it advertised on milkshake bottles.

The top two teams in each group after the round robin games on day one will progress to the knockout stages on June 27.

"We have never played in anything like this before but thought that it looked like really good fun," David said.

"It should be a great laugh and all our friends are coming through to watch.

"All the Heavy Mob players (who are aged between 19 and 26) grew up playing football together and my 22-year-old brother John and I have played on the local parks in Lanark.

"But there's no point in practising for the swamp soccer matches, because they will be totally unlike normal football."

Also hoping to bring the trophy home are fellow Heavy Mob members Greg Leyden, Marc Beekman, captain Bob Davies, David Wilson, Tom Collins, Sandy Telfer, Craig Shand and Jamie Craighead.

David, a Business student at Stirling University, explained why exactly 'Swamp Man Greg' will be printed on the back of Greg's strip.

"Greg has long hair and his skin will be painted completely green," he said. "So we all felt that the Swamp Man reference would be appropriate!

"We are participating in the tournament for a good laugh and for the social aspect. There will be a bar with a television showing all the live games from the World Cup.

"We hope that a lot of Crawfordjohn villagers will come along and cheer us on to victory on the day."

Details of the competition, which will be filmed by Sky TV show Soccer AM, are on the www.swampsoccer.co.uk website, which also has travel information.

For those looking to stay the weekend, camping is available at the arena. The website also has links to local hotels.