Bedrooms werenae a place o’ entertainment

It must huv been Skillens that maw hud a standing order wae tae deliver nae less than mah three favourite comics every Tuesday morning.

They wir, in descending order o’ interest, The Valiant, The Hotspur and Look and Learn.

Needless tae say, the first two were obsessed by the then still recent World War Two and some o’ the content wid huv ony hyper-PC ‘snowflake’ today drap his or her decaffinated, Costa Rican Fairtrade latte in shock.

Mah personal favourite, Jeremy Corbyn Forgive Me, wis Captain Hurricane in the Valiant. This `officer and gentleman’ wis, looking back, little mair than a white supremicist version o’ The Incredible Hulk wae semi-superhuman strength when haein’ wan o’ his “raging furies”, enabling him tae perform feats such as lifting up and chucking a tank at the enemy. This always brought an admiring comment from his “pint-sized batman” Private Maggot Malone.”

Aye, the Captain hud at least wan “raging fury” a week, they huvnae hud invented anger management at the time.

Noo, the `enemy’ in a Sixties British comic (Scottish, actually, frae the DC Thomson Dundee stable) wir the very folk Theresa May and Dr Fox ur desperately sooking up tae these days, namely the Germans, Japanese and, tae a lesser extent, the Italians.

They were termed by Oor Un-PC Captain respectively “Krauts”, “Nips” and “Eyeties.” (Ah’m sorry if ah’m offending onywan here but yon very wurds DID appear in oor mass circulation weans comics forty years back.)

Onyway, as an alternative tae crying his foes by unflattering national nicknames, he oft resorted tae referring tae their diets while mowing them doon or gubbing them itherwise. The last words mony an Axis sodjer heard oan expiring wis the Captain’s cry o’ “Take that, you square-headed sausage muncher” or “Cop this you rice gobbler” or “That’s the end of you spaghetti-suckers!”

Of course, yon enemy troops, facing certain death at the haunds o’ this rid-white and blue psychopath, still hud the presence o mind tae cry oot stereotypically as a door tae their barracks wis smashed open wan o’ the following exclamations: “Donner und blitzen; it iz Kapitain Hurricane and his pint-sized batman Maggot Malone! Arghhh!”, or “By Shinto! It is Capitain Hullicane and his pint-sized batman Maggot Marone. Ayeeeh” or “Sapritisi! It isa Captino Hurricane and his a-da pinto-sized batman Maggot Maloni! We surrendero!”

Of course, all riled up, we bairns o’ the Sixties turned intae bloodthursty wee thugs when we went oot tae play frae oor computerless, tellyless bedrooms tae go oot tae play “Commandos and Germans”, tooled up wae the ultimate the toy war weapons trade o’ the time could provide.

Mah personal favourite fur the obliteration o’ the enemy wis the multi-tasking ‘Johnny Seven’.

Y’know, come tae think o’ it, ah’m amazed they let Britain INTAE the EU in the first place!